drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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