scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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