fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
