Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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