you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
