i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
