Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My pussy is not your playground.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
