Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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