How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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