This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
