she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
