Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This is not my ceiling
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
