hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
