remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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