By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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