I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
