Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
