Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
