VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize