Are we in a gay sports bar?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
