"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize