anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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