The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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