I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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