it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Success! We fucked roommates!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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