Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
