I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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