you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no you cant smoke seaweed
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
