guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
