As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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