there's paper in my vomit.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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