sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
MIDGETS
????
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize