proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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