I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
