My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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