Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
