I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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