I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
