Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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