I'm sorry my penis didn't work
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
