so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
