a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
