You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
