it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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