Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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