i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
