This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
