I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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