'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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