I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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