if i can run in heels then i can drive
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
