it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
