is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the day after is always just damage control
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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