You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
