I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
