do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
