He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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