I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
