All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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