so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
