y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
