im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
