I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
