Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
